Have we considered that forgiveness could be the key to freedom and inner peace?
Symptoms and knowing our triggers are just the beginning of understanding what is adding fuel to our fires. These triggers & signs are what appear on the surface. Visible to the naked eye. Easy to identify. However, the scars that continue to weep & bleed are the ones that aren’t visible, which trouble us on a whole new level. They are the danger zone for so many of us as we neglect them, dismiss them, feel embarrassed by them & try to forget them.
Often the scars that run the deepest were made by the ones we love & loved the most. They are the judgments, the words, the phrases that have very little fact behind them, were said at the moment or repeated again & again over time that we then believe to be the truth. We live by these words, by these judgments. They eat away at us EVERY day. Re-opening the wounds when a trigger catches us or we come into contact with that person again. Often these judgments, words, and comments came from the people we love most & why do we persuade ourselves that they are the truth. Why? Simple… we LOVE these people & believe they know us best, so why would their words not be the truth.
What we fail to see is that:
A) There are different types of love.
B) There are different types of people.
C) ONE person’s opinion is not the end of the world and does not define us.
I will admit I have spent YEARS & YEAR’S dwelling, re-living & allowing the people I thought I loved the most dictate the way I see myself. The way I live my life. This is damaging, so damaging. It cages you in, destroying our self-esteem, breaking you down. More & more as the days go on. We begin to live a life that they set out for us, so they can keep us down, keep control, make us fit their mold. We feel out of place as we lose our identity & sense of self. The more time goes on the worst it gets.
Can you see yourself in this cycle?
How do we break the cycle?
I am still on that journey of figuring that answer out. However, I have seen so many posts, opinions & advice on the matter over mental health awareness month & it seems like forgiveness is the answer that many people find peace in.
After years of anger, upset & holding all that in that the damage feels as if it is beyond repair.
The questions we all have to ask ourselves are:
1) Do we want to live someone else’s life or our own?
2)Do we want to look back with happiness or regret?
3) Do we want the chance to be happy?
I know all the answers to these questions. We must remember, we can’t change people. They must change themselves. If they want to be judgemental, bully people & feed their own egos rather than supporting others, or being kind & thinking about the feelings of others. It is their choice. We can hold anger towards these people for the pain they have caused us but then that again is giving them control over our emotions & adding to our unhappiness.
It is best to forgive them. Forgive them, let go, press the refresh button on your life, your perception of yourself.
I know what you are thinking this isn’t an overnight quick fix. It takes time & commitment to self-development to build ourselves back up. Remember it has been years not just days so we have to be committed to the work & the journey of recovery.
1) Consume positive content. Content that empowers you, boosts your confidence, educates you & brings you happiness.
2) Don’t cling to toxic relationships, let them go. A huge weight will be lifted.
3) Journal kind comments, screen-shot lovely messages to look back on & remind yourself of what people think of you.
4) Remind yourself that one judgement often has very little facts & evidence behind it, so it doesn’t mean it is the truth. Often judgments reflect on the person who made them for the first time. Seeing their words as their problem, not yours is a massive help in being able to shake them off.
5) Anything that isn’t making you happy anymore, it is ok & healthy to let go of. We grow, we change, our circumstances change & we have many chapters to our stories.
6) Never forget you only get one shot at life. ONE CHANCE. Don’t waste it by living it for others, placing your happiness in the hands of others, or living in fear.
What to expect on the journey?
1) Heartbreak, it is tough facing reality & fears in the face.
2) Feeling frightened to the core, you have been so broken down that building a full-blown castle from scratch is overwhelming at first. Taking each day as it comes and just adding a few bricks a day is the key.
3) Feeling LIGHTER, freer. You aren’t carrying around the extra weight in the forms of guilt & negativity.
4) You feel more for-filled as you begin to celebrate YOU & your successes because you have never really had the opportunity to do so.
5) You begin to re-discover yourself & your identity.
6) You explore new hobbies, new skills & begin creating the life that feeds your soul.
7) Overall, we build in confidence, improve our self-esteem & feel more at peace.
Don’t be blinded by love. It can be a smoke-screen. Remember everyone deserves the best & the life we want to live.
I know I am through with people-pleasing, trying to fit a mould, treading on eggshells to not upset people & giving my negative judgements my constant full attention. It has led to years of unhappiness & nothing is ever good enough for the people who want to keep us down. That is the secret to their game. Don’t give them power.
Forgive & be untouchable.
YOU hold the pen, you create the story, YOU make it the best-seller.
Don’t give someone else the key to your life.
Hi! I am Sophie Ward. I am a Lyme disease sufferer from England, aged 26. I am a chronic illness blogger, podcast & content creator. I also book travel, specializing in travel for chronic illness sufferers and their families. My blog is Sophantastic and share my story, advice & tips on chronic illness, and my podcast focuses on the problems we face whilst battling a chronic illness. I have battled with Lyme since I was 14 but I was only diagnosed at 23. It ended my swimming career. As my goal was to swim at London 2012. My world was turned upside down. I’ve had to rediscover myself, a career & rebuild my castle.