A Certified RTT® Practitioner Hypnotherapy
Nothing that prepares us for motherhood is a cliché and an understatement all rolled into one. From pregnancy to giving birth, passing through all the circumstances surrounding our journey, it’s hard to predict what will come up as we walk around in motherhood’s shoes.
We’re constantly adapting and piecing together all the layers and variables in real-time. All the cognitive and emotional demands placed on us as we learn the parenting ropes make it impossible to prepare thoroughly. Added to this is how The Pebble in The Shoe Theory begins to unfold as women step into their motherhood journey.
It all starts with what I call the triggering zone. This happens when our kids push the exact buttons that get us into reactive mode. Suddenly, we become Mommy Volcano. Then afterward, mom’s guilt creeps in, and we negotiate with ourselves that no matter what, we won’t go off like that next time. (Only to repeat the cycle the next day).
The Pebble in the Shoe Theory is why our kids push our buttons like no one else. We get triggered because we’re re-enacting a relationship that shaped who we are now as adults.
We’ve been in a parenting relationship before when we were children. Most of our internal beliefs come from this dynamic. The blueprints we internalized as children while we were being parented are pretty much still in place when we reach adulthood. If these blueprints are limiting and negative, we will tend to carry them around like an uncomfortable pebble in our shoe. We can still walk, but it will eventually cause us blisters.
Blueprints or inner beliefs are not negative in and of themselves. It is part of our human experience. They range from the inconsequential (“X brand is the best brand for paper towels”) all the way to what we subconsciously believe about ourselves or our abilities (“I’m not really good at math”) and everything in between.
Internal beliefs underpin every single action we take or do not take, without exception. There is never a situation where a belief isn’t at play. And this is mostly highlighted in our role as mothers.
The Pebble in The Shoe Theory highlights that we re-enter a relationship we’ve been in before, but this time, playing out a part that we subconsciously witnessed that of our own parents’ behaviors and attitudes when they parented us.
Our children are just the mirror that projects back at us our early beliefs and conditioning. But because it’s a mirror image, everything is reversed. And we are unable to see how the distortion is playing out in real-time. To illustrate this theory, let’s look at this flipped image of singer Adele below.
The image is a seemingly mirrored version of the original, used as the cover art for her album “25.” However, if you look at the image right side up (or by turning over your phone) you’ll see something more disturbing.While Adele’s face has been turned upside down, her eyes and mouth have actually been left the right way up.
This is known as the Thatcher Illusion, and it illustrates how our brain can’t properly process a face (or a photo of a face) that is upside down. The interesting part is that the brain thinks it can, so you get a confident feeling that everything is alright until you turn it over.This illusion shows how what we think might be triggering us as moms is actually an upside-down version of old beliefs we have internalized that are distorted even if they seem quite ‘normal’ to us. Becoming aware of this is the first step towards changing how we parent to avoid falling victim to being triggered. Overwhelm and frustration are only the symptoms. They’re not the issue.
The root cause of our overwhelm and frustration lies in our thoughts.
Depending on your own circumstances and upbringing, the blueprints that you formed in your mind early on can either work for you or against you.
Feelings constantly triggered point towards a misaligned blueprint or belief.
This is the pebble in the shoe that might be impacting the way you’re showing up with your kids.
Everyone’s beliefs, which are almost always invisible and unconscious, shape every single thought and action we take in every area of our lives.
Beliefs are like the Thatcher Illusion. It’s only when you turn them on their head that you can begin to see how misaligned they are.
To break this cycle of triggers and negative thoughts, you need to be aware of the limiting beliefs that make you feel overwhelmed, stressed, angry, and frustrated so you can start to choose a different blueprint altogether.
Once you realize you can change the inner beliefs that no longer serve you, you can bring about more joy and ease in your motherhood journey.
Once the right beliefs are in place, your journey becomes effortless.
Article : Iva Perez | A Certified RTT® Practitioner Hypnotherapy
Iva Perez has studied the science of the mind to help women successfully navigate the overlap between business, work and family life. Tapping into the subconscious mind and transforming limiting beliefs is her jam. And doing it in a rapid, permanent way is how she facilitates powerful life AND business transformations.